dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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