"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
