i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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