i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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