This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
