I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
