dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
