just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
