First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize