This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
