porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
