the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I look better un-naked...
Sober January is a disaster.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
