um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize