i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
