I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
