Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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