I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
