The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
