just come out here and I will go home with you...
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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