I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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