dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
