if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Randomize
