I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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