Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
