And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
