I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
