You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
