What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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