i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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