I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
