I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
