my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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