he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
