Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
