he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
