and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?â€
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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