just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
