I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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