Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
