three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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