I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize