I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
