Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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