yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
