I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
how drunk are you?
Several
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
