There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
