So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
