I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
