He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
