Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
