maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
