oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize