once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I could fuck to npr.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
