she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
