Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
