quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
