I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize