ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Two words: nipple clamps
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