so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
