Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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