I'm going to jail i love you
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
