im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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