I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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