it's too hot outside to masturbate.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
