oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
