i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
