I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize