And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
