I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
