i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
