No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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