She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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