Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
