i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
