i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
